Got Metal?

This is an actual Craig's List posting from the Portland area that my friend Pat sent me today. Man, I wish you could apply to all jobs with a hilarious ad like this:

"Tired of the same T.V. shows, routines and tireless shit jobs? You need to form a fucking band Cochise. Have axe- will travel reasonable lengths to jam. I play loud fucking rythym guitar. I can shred on acoustic 2. Of late I downloaded Metal Church's anthology- like it. I'd like to put together a band that has a unique- distinguishable, innovative sound and song writing methodology up their sleeve. That's right dumb fuckers- I am 41 and I can still kick your ass. Call me @ (503)682-XXXX and ask for Bob G.- smile a mile wide and leave the couch. THX------- Bob G. all percussion and bassists get a free beer."